I just can't seem to form a habit of updating this. I've had dozens of blog/journal type things over the years but I just forget about them. A lot has happened since the last time I wrote here. Ups and downs. Good and bad.

The most significant thing going on right now has more to do with Karl than me. It's trickling down onto me though and causing a daily knot of stress in my stomach. Much praise to Eric of course for helping Karl get a job here in Albuquerque before I rip this company every which way I can here. A*** seemed like a treasure chest of golden opportunities when Karl first started. He began with a contract for the infamous "Data Beast" (thanks to Eric) and it was almost predictable when they hired Karl full time and put him on salary. We were all so happy and proud and Karl was simply glowing. Well, as it turns out, this company is run by a tyrannical dictator who I imagine shifts into werewolf form every full moon and feasts on newborn babies and other innocent children. He's a monster, and his lapdog second in command is just as bad.

I'm going to refrain from using real names here to protect Karl. We'll just call them Asshole 1 and Asshole 2. Asshole 1 has somehow been running a business for 20 years now, and actually has people who have worked for him for some of if not all of that time. How? That's what I'd like to know. Asshole 2 is a balding middle aged man who wears hoop earrings like a hispanic middle school girl and plays World of Warcraft (probably the only neat thing about him). I don't even know what to make of him. Possibly bi-polar disorder.

Realizing now I could go on and on for hours about how poorly this company is managed, I'll try to keep it short. Karl works over 50 hours a week. He does not get over time (salary ftl). However, if he were to somehow SOMEHOW work even a few minutes under 40 hours a week, he would lose pay. One day he gets told he's getting fired, the next day they suck his dick and shovel cake and icecream in his mouth. Rinse and repeat.

I took it upon myself to find out the first and last names of all the higher ups at A*** and did extensive google searches on them. Was I looking for blackmail material? You bet your ass. I thought if I could find a profile by Asshole #1 on "I have candy and puppies in my van.com" I could secure Karl's job for him. Alas, my searches turned up nothing. Karl is too nice to hate the people that take advantage of him and mistreat him. Thus, I must do so on his behalf. A***, you're a bunch of stuck up dumb asses. You will never be smart enough to do the job your software team does, you're all fat and ugly now and stink like those huge nasty cigars you all smoke, and your wives are ugly! Despite the few disguises of details here, I can't help but hope this entry doesn't bite me in the ass later. If the douche bags at A*** DO ever find this though, and know exactly who I'm talking about, if they have any balls under their two inch weeners, they'll turn the other cheek and realize what shitty people they are.

Now, there is another thing I need to discuss. This, a subject almost as touchy as the above. I just spent a whole weekend with my mother in law here doing me a huge favor. Already there's something wrong with that statement. If there's one golden rule in the Daughter-in-Law Dos and Don'ts guide, it's don't ask for favors from your MIL. She came here to sew two dresses for me. I watched her just about the whole time. I can tell you first hand, it's a lot harder than it sounds, and she made TWO dresses from scratch in three days. I am forever in her debt for that. I'm happy with the results and I appreciate it, truly. The thing that irks me though is that she is very emotionally deficient. I'm sure there are reasons, but I wasn't raised by cold people in an ice palace. Terms of endearment and hugs go far with me but my MIL is so cold sometimes I swear I feel a brisk breeze when she walks by. I feel like I try really hard to balance making her like me and not being sorry her son married me with being myself around her. But no matter how much ass I kiss, I still cop a bad vibe from her and I still have to be extra careful how I talk, what I wear, etc. I remind myself often she gave birth to and raised the man of my dreams. He loves me, why can't she? In my nervous endeavors to make her like me, I fail somehow and I'm left feeling resentment. The worst part is the phony hug I get when she's leaving or when we're leaving her house. I see a hug just like a handshake. The meaning and importance behind the gesture must be felt, or it was worthless. You shake a person's hand firmly and you smile and make eye contact. It shows them "Hey, this person likes me." or "Hey, this person listened well to what I had to say. Or, I know they will when I'm ready to talk." Same thing goes for a hug. You hug firmly, with both arms, and you don't break it in a milisecond. You let the person know that that hug is important. When my MIL hugs me, it's like I'm a leper and she's giving me a pity hug. That's honestly how it feels. It turns out this way every time and as a result, I've actually began experiencing anxiety when I know we are about to hug. A third of the time, I don't even get a hug. Only Karl does. I can't tell which one feels worse anymore. The "eww you have coodies" half hug, or no hug at all. Is it possible she just threw up her hands a long time ago and decided there was nothing about me to like? Does she only do things for me or bother with me to make Karl happy? You would think it was for Karl, except that after she left this weekend I got some bad news. Some news that concerns me greatly but that didn't have the nerve to say in front of me. Or discuss with Karl and I at the same time. Back when we were moving, they offered us a loan. A loan of money from her and Karl's Dad to help us out. We didn't ask for it. Like a couple of idiots though, we took it. We needed it! Well, right after Karl got his new job, like idiots again, we spent too much money on too much stupid shit. We made a huge mistake. In our defense, we realized it and are working toward recovering. Sadly, it's a lot easier to get into debt than it is to get out. As of now, we can afford our bills and a small bit of food and entertainment. My trip at the end of May to go the A-Kon has indeed been the subject of many financial conversations. Several times I've almost backed out and said screw it. We just can't afford it. But at this point, I've spent too much money in preperations to not go through with it. My plan is to get a job as soon as I get back. If I get one now, I'll be there about a month before I'm asking for three days off. Not good employee etiquette IMO. Considering that most jobs don't pay you for the first two weeks, I could end up fired and leaving with a paycheck for 30 bucks. That's now how I roll and it won't help me or our money problems if I get fired.. seeing as that usually fucks your chances of finding another job significantly.

Back to the bad news though. Despite our situation, which we fully admit to, and Karl's roller coaster ride at work which has filled us both with fear that he's going to get fired soon.. they want their money. Now. If this was a bank, I wouldn't be complaining. I'd be crying and selling a kidney. But these are Karl's parents. This is a loan that THEY offered us. And they know about Karl's job situation. Karl makes enough money per year that I shouldn't have to work. But Albuquerque makes it difficult to find a place to live if you have pets. Nobody wants pets. So we pretty much hand over his whole paycheck as rent.

While we live in a military based gated community, the area outside where jobs are found is also wrought with men who rape and murder women. Just ask the Taco Bell down the street. Not two feet from it, a girl had her skull bashed in with a brick and her dead body raped. We only have one car. As the bread winner, it's Karl's right to take said car to work seeing as I will not allow him to ride his motorcycle in this city. It's a deathwish. Now I have to get a job because without one, not only can we not even begin to pay his parents back, but we can't afford to pay our car insurance either. I don't know how you'd feel, but I'm just about on the verge of a nervous breakdown here. I'm scared shitless to walk to a job here. I've got a bicycle but like that's really going to stop Buffalo Bill from abducting me and making a female skin suit out of me. I'm the size of a nine year old for crying out loud. The bus? Sure, if I want to get to work two hours early and then wait another two when I get off. And that's if I can catch a bus that even runs in the area. In Socorro, I could have walked all over the damn place.. unfortunately, there was nowhere to work. No one was ever hiring for anything other than being a waitress. I went to restaurants there frequently and I rarely saw the same waitresses.. meaning SOMETHING about the job wasn't working out. Management perhaps?

You might see these as excuses. I might too. I'm not trying to get out of getting a job. I have deeper issues with the whole thing than anyone can imagine. I've tried to deny it but it's proven it's self time and time again. I have a horrible almost debilitating case of social phobia. It's not easy or even a little bit hard for me to walk into places and ask if they're hiring. No, it's almost impossible. I get mild panic attacks and become physically ill. It's a real phobia with real anxiety. It causes real symptoms and real depression. And it REALLY sucks.
But try to explain this to people like Karl's parents who think "Get off your ass! Do what you gotta do!" And if all I had was a case of the lazies, I'd agree. But this just isn't that simple. There's even a special type of therapy for people with this phobia called "exposure therapy". I've had some great jobs in the past, but I got them all by pep talking myself for months and working myself up to the point that I would actually apply. And then, I never last long. As I said, social phobia causes symptoms and anxiety that prevent you from functioning like normal go getter people. I found clever reasons to quit all of my jobs after a couple of months because if I didn't, I could feel that something bad was going to happen.

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Well, it's pretty obvious I needed to vent. I've got to somehow sack the hell up and go through with the A-kon trip which, while it sounds fun, makes me feel like puking when I think about it, and then try to find a job near my house and hope I don't get murdered going to and from it. I've got a really hopeless feeling in the pit of my stomach over it all. I'm sure my MIL thinks I'm some sort of lazy gold digger who just uses Karl as a host for my parasitic money sucking endeavors. Money is definitely a big issue here, but not in the way it must seem to her. I want to be normal. I want charisma. I want a good job. I want to be responsible and independent. But my social bullshit has gotten so bad I can only even stand to be in a grocery store for a few minutes. I do well at hiding it but I can't tell you how difficult it is sometimes. Hey friends! Ever wonder why we're friends but you never see me? Or why when you invite me places I find really good reasons why we just can't get together? Why when you do see me it's usually something we planned pretty far in advance? (no less than a week). That's because I have to council myself into going anywhere.

It's not that I'm anti-social. It's not that I'm spoiled. It's that I was treated like shit in school and raised by an Agoraphobic who never left the house. I was nurtured into a Social Phobic. Life is not fun right now.

I don't know what the hell is wrong is with me... I've puked my guts out, completely lost my appetite, got the appetite back and over ate myself into a stupor, have a migraine headache every other day... just to name a few of the problems I've been having. I have officially skipped an entire period as well and that's never happened to me before. NO I'm not pregnant. I got a pregnancy test at the hospital during my kidney fiasco and I've given myself TWO home tests just in the last two weeks. Turns out Flomax, the crap they gave me to help pass the kidney stones is absolutely horrible for women to take. It also turns out that doctors are prescribing it to ALOT of woman right now for ALOT of shit it can't possibly help. For example... for bladder incontinence. It is a medicine for bonign prostate enlargement... and that's ALL the FDA has approved it for. It is meant to dramatically increase urine flow. So why the hell would a doctor give it out for bladder incontinence? What the hell is wrong with people? Female pharmacists of birthing age are advised to handle Flomax with gloves on! Not even with their bare hands! And since I took it my life has been fucking hell.

Since my kidney problems my weight dropped almost five lbs then shot back up like seven lbs. Some days I'm so sick at my stomach I can't even stand to think about food and the next day I'm fammished all day no matter how much I eat. All of this is of course stressing me out which makes it all worse. I've always suffered from the occasional migraine but I've racked up about ten of them in one month.. whereas I used to only get one every three or four months. I've noticed I'm really light sensitive and going outside in the day time is painful to my entire head. I'm eating healthier food and drinking more water than I have in years. I thought that was supposed to make you feel better? Hell, I felt better when I drank a liter or more of dr. pepper everyday and ate nothing but mcdonald's and wendy's, not only that, I was skinnier! This is complete bullshit. I've drank so much water I never want to see water again. Where's my healthy hair? Where's my glowing complexion? Where's my strong healthy fingernails? My hair looks like shit, my skin looks the same, and my fingernails look WORSE. I am really at a point where I just want to cry non-stop. I've been bad lately... I've had trouble getting any sleep these past few nights and I've been popping sleeping pills and chugging nyquil. I don't know what else to do...

There's no point is typing out my symptoms in google. According to the internet, I could have anything from bi-polar disorder to cancer to organ failure to an allergy to the paint on my fucking walls. There's no telling and I've had my fill of doctors for a while. I think I'm gonna try a fast, or an herbal digestive cleanse. Maybe the lemonade cleanse? That one I hear can be pretty rough though. I need to do something soon... I can't live feeling like this all the time.

The kidney problems prevented me from doing last weekend what I ended up doing today. I did a lot today. It was a good day.

I watched a great tutorial on how to make kitty ears out of clay so I've been wanting to swing by Hobby Lobby for supplies. While there, not only did I manage to pick up all that stuff for the kitty ears but I also got the stuff to make Selphie's nunchucka. I managed to find some sturdy, lengthy foam sticks that are the perfect width. They are a bit dense but there's no way these babies should break the weapon rules. For the chain link connecting the chucks, I'm going to try something a bit unorthodox. My idea is to take pipe cleaners and bend them into a general chain link shape, reinforce that shape with several layers of tape, and then paint them silver. If all goes as well as it does in my head, I should have a stable link of chain that can't hurt anyone. I couldn't find any clear plastic balls to start working on my kokiri fairy though. Hobby Lobby is freaking huge and there are no signs or labels on the aisles or areas so it's really hard to find anything there. I'm either going to have to look harder, try a different store, or just order one online. I'm already going to have to order the LED lights and batteries online as it is. The wings! Damnit, I knew I'd forget to look for something. I meant to look for the stuff to make the wings. Poor Karl was dying following me around and I spent over an hour in there. I felt rushed damn it! ^_^

We went thrifting! If you're into weird clothes like I am, thrifting is your dream come true. Thrift Town is pretty damn big and they have so much crap. Especially in womens clothes. My orginal plan was to look for any yellow or green jumper dresses that could be altered instead of Genean having to make the entirety of both dresses from scratch but I couldn't find any suitable prototypes. Nor could I find a green turtle neck shirt for under Saria's dress. I did however find lots of other goodies. Karl found some too. We both made a strange observation as well. The people who were shopping in the store were much nicer and had a high class air about them. You see a lower class type of person walking around Target or Walmart than you do here. Not class as defined by wealth but class in how nice and polite they were.

After the thrifting and hobby lobbying we headed over to Mudscuppers for their Toys for Tots piercing special. My orginal plan (do I see a pattern forming here?) was to get several toys because helping out or any type of charity just makes me feel good all around but when we got to the store, Karl pointed out a neat scooter and suggested that. It was much more than we were required to spend for the piercing to be free (25 bucks) but it'll definitely make a kid in need very happy. It looked like a lot of fun and it would be ideal for a boy OR a girl. Good stuffs all around. I really liked the shop. It had a good atmosphere, really nice girl working the counter, lots of kewl shit around to look at, and the wait was short. And they were busy even! I went in after about a ten minute wait. The piercer was also the tattoo artist and also the owner of the shop. He was awesome and complimented my unicorn purse and my monkey necklace. Said I looked a lot younger than I am. I got my nose pierced and It's the second painful piercing I've gotten thus far. My belly button was a cake walk compared to my nose and my tongue nearly made me pass out. But I needz more! Karl is really weird about the whole piercing thing. If I'm lucky, I should be able to talk him into getting my eyebrow done, and then my nipples. I DEFINITELY won't be getting my lip done anytime in the near or distant future. On my way out I managed to scare the hell out of a girl who was there to get her tongue pierced. She asked what I got done then told me what she was there for and I showed her I had it already. She asked if it hurt and I was like "Oh god yes.. you might lose consciousness". Har har har. I also got a really cute dangly belly button ring with a four leaf clover. Karl bought an hourglass with a dragon wrapped around it and a dragon bottle opened. As I said, lot of kewl shit there.

So I need to get to making some kitty ears and working on Selphie's nunchucka. I also need to get back to my PBE-RP with Nida and finish my character portrait of Sa'hash for the D&D game. Had one session of Karl and Eric's "Ashen Dreams" campaigne so far and it's pretty kewl.

OH.. I also cut myself some bangs. I was REALLY pissed right at first and felt like a complete idiot but they are starting to grow on me. I'm thinking now maybe I didn't do such a horrible job on them. They looked like hell immediately after though. The dots on my face are just eyeliner. I was playing with make-up techniques.

 

I'm a bit loopy on pain killers right now but I'll try to explain the best I can.

Friday night started out pretty good. Karl and I headed over to the Village Inn for dinner and pie. Karl got the best pancakes I think I've ever tasted and the lemon supreme pie was pretty good. We got home, he went off to bed, and I began a "Women from the 1700's who can't birth a male heir" movie marathon. With Marie Antoinette in mind, I started up The Duchess with my plan to follow that with The Other Boleyn Girl. Things were going good. Half way or so through The Duchess I got an ache in my side/back/stomach. It felt similar to the pain I felt a few years back when I got a bladder infection. Seeing as I've drank nothing but water for almost two weeks now I tried to just ignore it thinking it must have just been how I was sitting. 

After another fifteen minutes or so it got worse. Then all at once, it got REALLY bad. It got so bad in fact I was convinced I was either going to die or lose consciousness. I can only describe it as the absolute worst pain I have ever felt in my entire life, and it was pretty obvious my right kidney was the culprit. It was about 3:30 am when Karl awoke to me writhing and wailing in bed beside him. The pain was so bad and so constant that when he asked what was wrong with me I could barely form the words. The best I could do was say "I don't know!" I was near death no longer even able to speak and screaming when we insisted on taking me to the ER. I don't even remember dressing and getting into the car but I do remember the actual ride. My seat belt was making it worse as was every bump on the road. UNM hosptial is also not close to our house by any means. By the time we parked and were heading into the hospital, I was dizzy and on the verge of going into shock.

The waiting room was packed and they had the huge TV on CBS which was showing re-runs of some HSN like coin selling crap. Suddenly the TV was also making my pain worse. We were told it could be as long as a 14 hour wait. I just figured if I DID pass out from shock or die, at least I was in a hospital. I got into see the triage nurse pretty quickly and couldn't even coherently answer her questions. I don't even think I knew my own name at that point. My wait was 4 hours, which was pretty damn impressive for how many people were there waiting. A friday night in Abq at a hospital with not nearly enough staff and equipment to take care of a fraction of the people waiting. Needless to say, even a five minute wait would have been agonizing and I sat there in a crowded waiting room listening to a TV on the most annoying crap I've ever heard for 4 hours.

The first thing I got once I got into an actual room was an IV of fluids and morphine. Answered some questions and headed off for a CAT scan. Multiple tiny kidney stones were found. So it looks like I was on the right track with the water but unfortunately I was a bit too late. This whole ordeal has made me never want to touch soda ever again as, despite there being several things I could have done to cause this, the Doctor seemed to be convinced it was the three months I spent drinking nothing but dr. pepper with nothing in between.

So it's been a really rough weekend for me but I'm just glad I know what's wrong with me and have some medicine to take care of it. And... Happy Birthday, Brice! And I guess it's super bowl sunday too isn't it. I don't really care much for football b

My heart is still pounding and I can't stop shaking. Karl is asleep and there's no one online to talk to. Why am I so scared? Well...

I had been sitting here at my desk working on some sketching. Quite into it and not paying attention to anything around me. No music, just silence. All of a sudden I got this terrible feeling like an anvil of doom was dropped on me. I mean a heavy energy with an all around bad vibe. Within seconds of feeling this the right side of my hair blew back and something or someone whispered very loudly in my right ear "Tell them." I've mulled over whether it was actually "Kill them" but It was quite loud and clear for just a whisper and it definitely said "Tell them." It sounded either female or child like. Not manly. I just about gave myself whip lash turning my head to the right to look beside/behind me. Right after it said that it seemed as though something brushed very rapidly across the back of my computer chair headed left.

I'm not a schizophrenic (at least not in the hearing voices respect). I don't have any idea who or what that was. My house is certainly not haunted and paranormal activity doesn't follow me around. There are no open windows around me and the room is very quiet. I simply have no idea what it could have been. It was definitely a crystal clear and loud whispering voice though and it wasn't mine or in my mind. I'm very freaked out right now.

Let's say it was a "ghost" or whatever... Tell them? Tell them what? And who is them?

Been almost five minutes now since it happened and I'm still shaking and scared to death to even move. I have no idea what to make of this. 

I've always been one to put a lot of effort into my halloween costumes so I thought planning a couple of cosplay costumes would be cake for me. I have costume assembly experience afterall. Well, turns out I was way wrong. It costs a lot of money first of all, and seconly, you don't want to go too terribly cheap because chances are someone else at the con will have the same costume and have done it way better. So there's an element of competition involved. This is my first time actually attempting to cosplay so I'm sure I won't hold a candle to anyone else there.



For Selphie Tilmitt costume I need:
Yellow jumper dress - You'd think there would be a million of these floating around. But it's yellow every other type of dress you can think of and jumper in every color except for yellow. So this will have to be custom made. I've sent a request to a custom seamstress so we'll see how that pans out otherwise I may be stuck having to make it myself and that will be disastrous.

Brown boots - It's winter so this one isn't too hard, but boots are fucking expensive (unless they suck complete ass) and not only do I need brown boots for Selphie, but I need green boots for Saria. TWO pairs of overpriced flat plain ugly ass boots. There are tutorials on how to wrap boots to pretty much change their color but oh my god, the results these people are jumping up and down about look awful.

Blue ribbon - Sounds easy. I'm sure with my luck though I'll find ribbon in every color except blue. Haven't looked yet though.

Silver necklace with "some" sort of pendant or charm - This one is just lovely. In all the pictures of Selphie I have studied closely I cannot for the life of me tell what the fuck is on her necklace. Every picture looks different, every screen shot, every fanart drawing, every action figure. And not surprising, no other hardcore Selphie fan or cosplayer can tell what the fuck it is either. So, to keep with tradition of Selphie's unknown necklace charm, I'll be choosing randomly whatever the hell is most convenient and detail nitpickers can suck it.

Oversized giant nunchucks or "nunchaku" - This one has me a bit flustered. I can't see walking in there without these but A-Kon's weapons policy is really strict. I have done arts and crafts enough so ideas for how to make these safe and by the rules came pretty naturally. It's the chain connecting the 'chucks that's boggling my mind right now. Even something light and fur covered like pipe cleaners have those little wire pointed tips and could potentially harm someone by scratching them. It can't be metal OR any sort of hard plastic. If I go too light it's going to break the first time I drop them or snag them or pull too hard on each end. So this is going to take some real thought but I'm determined. I swear though if I go to great lengths to make sure these things follow the rules and I get told to ditch them at the door anyway I'm going to poke someone in the damn eye.


For Saria costume I need:
Sleeveless green short dress - Accurately speaking, Saria is wearing a sleeveless tunic like top and shorts but that's two pieces too many in my opinion. I think a dress of the same look would be just as identical and even cuter. AND I think this is something I could thrift for as this would be a million times simpler a dress than Selphie's. There really isn't any detail and the split on the front of the collar can be done with scissors.

Long sleeved dark green turtleneck - A good possible thrift find as well. It doesn't absolutely have to be a turtleneck either, just something with a really high prude neckline that's tight and form fitting.

Green Belt/Headband - I may find these in a thrift store as well seeing as green belts and headbands are sitting on the tacky fashion shelf these days. I HOPE I can find them both in green, but brown would probably work just fine as well.

Green boots - See my complaint above for the boots thing. Green boots are a hell of a lot harder to find but I DID find a couple of pairs on ebay. Last time I bought shoes on ebay they broke in about three days (Thanks hong kong!) so I don't know if I'll be buying footwear on ebay anymore. I'm in a huge city with a lot of options though so I'm not gonna rule this piece out yet.

Green wig - This will probably be the biggest pain in my ass piece of all. There are green wigs galore, but I've dealt with wigs before. They make them look absolutely beautiful in pictures but when you get them, you have a knotted ball of synthetic hair that's misshapen from the packaging and a list of rules that basically tell you you're fucked as far as fixing it. "No hot or warm iron styling, no warm or hot water washing, no gels hairsprays or creams, etc etc etc" So how do you get the damn things to look as good as the pictures? I'm really scared of this piece because wigs are not cheap (even the cheap ones aren't cheap) and if I get one and it's fucked, I can't afford to replace it.. thus.. Saria costume will be ruined IMO.

Ocarina - I ordered an ocarina but it's an ocarina of time and every die hard Zelda fan knows that's a Link/Zelda thing. Saria owned the fairy ocarina and passed it on to Link. Any ocarina is better than nothing though and this one comes with a song book so whether it ends up being a great prop or not, I'm getting a freakin ocarina I can learn to play! How kewl is that? I'm excited about this. It is NOT a weapon in any way shape or form and it's smooth and rounded but if I'm not mistaken, it's blown ceramic. I have no idea if this will be considered among the no-no's for A-kon props. It really shouldn't be and if it is, then they are insane and way too picky.

Fairy - To the fairy fountain to jar us a fairy! Oh if it were only that easy. Saria is a kokiri and all kokiris have fairies (except for Link until Navi the most annoying fairy in the world is appointed to him by the Deku tree). So I've been mulling this one over for a while and I have some pretty damn good ideas. So good, I must write them now. I won't know how I'll be making the wings until I have a chance to skim the arts and crafts isles at some stores, but I've been thinking about how authentic I could get the core or body of the fairy to look. Kokiris' fairies are basically balls of light with wings. Something round, puffy, and sparkly would probably work just fine but why not add some sort of small battery powered LED light? There's tons of tiny things that light up out there, and probably a way to hollow out something orb shaped. If I can pull off an actual glowing/lit up kokiri fairy and then pin it to my shoulder I will be simply beaming, no pun intended. I'm excited to see if I can pull this off.

Elf ears - I already have a pair but they are way too long. I'm gonna try and find a pair that are a bit shorter but if all else fails the ones I have will suffice.

As I get these costumes rolling I will try to post some pictures of my progress. I'm going arts/crafts shopping tomorrow and if my luck holds out, I may have prop pictures up soon.

ALSO, Karl's business trip to Japan is rolling up soon. I still don't even have a passport and I need to go get another birth certificate before I can even apply for one. According to the interwebs, passport applications are being taken care of rather quickly at the moment seeing as it's the winter season so if I want mine on time I really need to get on the ball. I'm still doubtful the trip will even happen though so I think that's why I keep putting it off. Better safe than sorry I suppose. I should just go get the damn thing and then whatever happens happens. At least then I'm prepared right? I would be terribly disappointed to have to miss out on it over something this small. It would also help if we didn't only have one car and Karl didn't work during the times businesses are open. It requires taking long lunch breaks or time off for us to even get anything daily living requires done. I sometimes wonder how anyone with an 8-5 job does things. You go to work when everything opens and you get off when they close. And if you go to these places on your lunch break, you've just lost your time to eat. What a bunch of bullshit. And keeping the car is not much use anyway as I can barely stand to drive in this Alb traffic. It scares the hell out of me and I have to pep talk myself to get out there and do it.


ALSO, jam session happened this last weekend and I destroyed my thumb playing bass and strumming wrong. After a break the guys started playing again and I decided to record them on video. There were several clips but I put one on youtube which you can see here. The whole beginning of the jam is cut a different clip so forgive how it starts up right in the middle of the song. It's Karl on drums, Brice on bass, Max on lead guitar, and Woody on harmonica.

Are you sure you want to quit?
           [Yes] or No

Ugghhhh...

Well, Syberia 2's arrival at gametap and the anticipation I felt leading up to it were more exciting than the day I spent beating this game. And I am really sad and disappointed on many levels.

I started at about 8:30am and I'm finished already (5pm). I realize I only took a couple of breaks to grab a drink, grab some food, and let my dogs outside, but I don't think I'd have been done with Syberia by now if I had played straight though like I just did with Syberia 2. Overall it seems to have been much shorter. The story did not captivate me. I'm the biggest crier during a good game but this one didn't jerk a single tear out of me. I suppose I'm glad I played through it.. if not for any other reason than to find out if Kate and Hans would actually find Syberia if it truly existed. This review explains it all better than I can. It hits the nail(s) right on the head.

Next time you make a game, Legacy Interactive, take your time! You obviously soared through the making of Syberia 2 and you only hurt the game by doing so. Dreamfall: TLJ 2 took a long time to come out. You only took 2 years to come out with Syberia 2, and it's likely you didn't even start putting it together until less than a year before it was released by the way it looks.

I think the only thing that could possibly lift my gamer spirits at this point is a holy shit awesome Syberia 3 kicking Syberia 2 right in the cool nuts or Ragnar Tornquist announcing "DREAMFALL TWO! ZOE AND APRIL'S RETURN!" but I ought not hold my breath for either one of those.

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Karl bought a really nice Ludwig drum set yesterday. This tying into the dream he and Brice have of us being some sort of badass rock cover-band. We're supposed to "jam" together with Max this weekend. Brice and he will be on guitars, I'll be on bass, and Karl on drums. Brice and I will probably split the vocals or duet. If I remember, I'm gonna be making some video recordings. Karl and Brice were practicing together last night and I was amazed by how "not like complete shit" they sounded. Brice is fairly good on the electric guitar and Karl is some sort of savant who can pretty much pick up ANYthing and be a master at it in a matter of days. Like a slightly lesser version of the rain man. I hear Max is pretty good too and I can sing decently and keep a rhythm on bass.

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There was a bit more WoW guild drama last week. Casuals, the guild I've had my priest in for well over a year is starting to worry me. I recently brought my hunter over into it from Night Rain because Komo was letting a bunch of douche bags in the guild without having to app. It took an act of congress for me to get in, why not these guys? And they're assholes, all the more reason to wonder "why, Komo? why?" So over in Casuals things are looking good... but I notice that a couple members who haven't been in the guild even a fraction of as long as I have on Umiki are officers. AND they don't do anything. Thalios is pretty strict about letting people become officers. It's a position you earn by stepping up and taking the initiative to lead raids and learn boss fights and recruit and just be a big help overall when he can't. Pre-WotLK, I hosted Kara raids and was pretty much stuffing any extra stuff I had into the guild bank. I put gold too.. a lot of it. I hosted heroics as well and was in high demand, being a healer and all. I did that stuff for a long time and when I inquired as to why I hadn't been promoted to officer yet, I was blown off. I found out from Karl later that Thalios had mentioned something about my attitude and a fear that I'd kick everyone out of the guild. I absolutely NEVER gave Thalios that impression and I know exactly who did, and why and where it came from. I had made a guild for a short while on my hunter with my friend Steven and we were growing in numbers really rapidly. Well, guys on WoW don't like to take orders from females... hence the lack of female guild leaders. You might have high ranking second in command females of guilds, but rarely a full on first in command. Guys just don't take it seriously. Well, Steven pretty much told me it was my guild.. so I tried to run it like a first in command. Not bossy or mean, just in charge.. keeping order when need be. Well, finally the overthrowers (all guilds have these) showed up and tried to.. yep.. you guessed it.. overthrow me. I was in no mood to fight so I told Steven I was gonna take my contributions to the guild bank and just split. We'd say it was a nice try and avoid making a scene. Well, when I headed to the g-bank, it had been put on lock down. There were only three of us who had the power to do that. Myself, Steven, and his roommate Alex. Now I thought Alex was as much my friend as Steven... but when he found out I was taking my 500 gold back from the bank, he didn't like that very much and thought he was gonna go ahead and make sure I couldn't get it. Not only did he lock the gold in, but he TOOK all of the enchanting materials I'd put in there. Shards and dusts worth more than the amount of gold I had in there. So I told Steven very sternly over vent "I want what I put in. Nothing more. Nothing less. Now." and he argued.
Probably because Alex was looming over his shoulder. Whatever the reason, I had to get REALLY pushy to get my shit back. And afterward, for a long time, Alex and I didn't speak. Well.. Alex likes to talk shit and embelish things to make himself a funny guy. A game of telephone began until finally Thalios got a twisted version of the story. That I was some kind of psycho who freaked out and tore apart guilds when I got angry and stole from the guild bank.

So back to Casuals, Thalios had officers who I still think don't deserve the position. Two of them are people who are rarely online and don't do anything. I mean nothing. Not a damn thing. I think the positions were given as bribes to keep them in the guild and that's shady to me... once a guild leader starts doing crap like that, you can bet the scandels will only get worse. On top of all this, Thalios busted up a raid the other night refusing to pug. I held back and bit my tongue but I wanted to point out some of the first news he wrote on the guild website about pugging for a kara raid and finding the greated pally tank ever by doing so... my husband! He sat right there and told us "I DON'T pug. EVER." Blatantly lying for the sake of his pride and being stubborn. We are just a few short of having a full in guild 25 man naxx raid and because of Thalios's refusal to pug just a few people (who could have ended up being awesome) several of those people who we NEEDED left the guild. One of which I recruited. I was really pissed off.. at Thalios especially. I went and swore up and down to my recruit that Casuals was the best guild ever and less than a week into it, he witnessed our guild leader throwing the biggest dramatic tantrum I've ever seen, thus I looked like a huge liar. If Thalios thought pugging a couple of people was so horrible, hate to see what he thinks of the result of his fit. That is, losing members and having the ones who stayed stop getting online anymore and playing alts instead so as not to have to deal with the drama. Luckily, I have plenty to do on alts myself, and now the privelege to play with Julien on his horde server as his Rogue.. or the other dk I made there. That should keep me busy until Thalios either implodes the guild altogether or at least pulls the stick out of his ass. Whichever comes first.

Pictures above are from today's (technically yesterday's) trip to Santa Fe. Brice, Karl, and I rode the Rail Runner (The RAGE Runner!!!!) there. My first time on a train! I took a fuck ton of pictures but most of them are of stuff only I would find interesting. So besides all the wacko pictures I took of Brice, here are the ones I like the most. There were a lot of statues and I took many many more than the ones you see above, but those are my favorite. It was a pretty fun trip. Can't wait until we decide to do it again.

Found out after my last entry in here there is a Syberia 2! GameTap will have it on the 22nd. Can't wait! I heard from one source it's not as good as the first one. Shame on them for telling me something like that. I will love it!!!

It's a rare gem like "Syberia" that reminds me why I absolutely adore my GameTap subscription. If not for GT I may never have known Aveyond even existed, or Return to Mysterious Island. But I fell in love with those games, just as I now have Syberia. It reminded me a LOT of The Longest Journey, the prequel to Dreamfall. Just to give you a quick idea and mental image. The control style was exactly the same and the graphics were about the same as well in quality.

You're Kate Walker, a rather self assured lawyer from America who's just arrived in Valadilene, a very small industrial tourist town in the french alps.
It's business as usual as you settle in and prepare to close a sales deal of a toy/automaton factory for your firm and gruff boss "Mr. Marson" back home in New York.

The steam punk addition to a rather current feeling atmosphere worked out brilliantly. Rusty brass looking robots seem to be implemented into everything. Gates, entry ways, machinery, vehicles, and even as stand alone androids. The tiny cogs, gears, and mechanisms were so interesting to me. It's all so clangy and clunky and rustic. I liked it more than I thought I would.

You end up with a huge problem on your hands. The woman who was to finalize the sale with you, Anna Voralberg, has died two days before your arrival. A brother she "had" would have been the heir but he was believed by everyone to have been dead for decades. The deal should have closed smoothly even without Anna's presence. But things never are that simple. Just before Anna's death, she confides to a close source that her brother, Hans, is still quite alive. And thus, quite the heir. And also, quite... nowhere to be found.

Beginning, I always felt a bit lost. NOTHING was very explanatory, even things that should have been and I was constantly retracing my steps. Sometimes I would have to revisit an area ten times over before figuring out what I'd missed. And I rock at point and click adventures. This one has a rough start though and Kate's movement speed could have been much faster. You spend a lot of time just watching Kate slowly jog across your screen from one point+click destination to another. Luckily, the story was capturing me. The slow running Kate was a small price to pay when I just had to know what would happen next. The voice acting was also impressive. As usual, they (as in point and click adventure game creators in general) chose ever so wisely Kate's voice and I was soothed and lulled every time she spoke. Much like I was by Zoe Castillo's voice in Dreamfall. *drools*

Running up and down cobble stone roads, wondering if she'll ever get home, helping a poor unfinished automaton get a pair of legs. I was feeling a bit like Dorothy on her way to OZ for a bit there. Once you get on the train with Oscar the automaton you've helped, the real fun begins.

At face value it's a woman just trying to do her job getting the run around from everyone. Underneath, which is where I really like to look, it's so much more. Everything from her gradual change in attitude, to her new found obsessions and curiosities, to the phone calls from home.... you begin to see the changes in Kate. Many of us "think" we want to wake up and go to work and just do what we do to make our living, but as Kate shows us, we would all give anything for a normal routine day to turn into a great and unexpected adventure.

Along the way, Kate begins to reflect and realize the REAL reason she's still overseas on the never ending chase to find Hans. It's not really because of her job, or because she needs to do it to keep her boss happy. It's because she wants to be there. She seems to thrive on the mystery of it all. And she becomes more and more spirited every step of the way. She bonds with a few supporting characters and a new adventurous Kate seems to help and inspire them. Something you just know she probably hasn't done for anyone in years of living in NY. You really get a good feel for how she's changed when her friend Olivia calls with some bad news. Olivia who has sporadically called to check up on her dear friend Kate has slept with Kate's fiance Dan after getting too tipsy with him one evening. And Kate finds it difficult to care. She's in the midst of a fantasy that is somehow her reality and it means more to her than the hum drum dead end bull back in NY, including Olivia and Dan. And who would need them anyway when you've got Oscar the eccentric automaton or Madame Romanski the old feisty russian opera singer. Or Professor Pons the paleontologist. And finally a dream to chase that doesn't seem to make sense. Hans.

I knew I was getting close to the end of the game. I played as much as possible and was hours into day three. All at once though it was upon me. Back in Aralbad and it's snowing.. and Oscar's acting a bit peculiar... and a bit sentimental. Some last words are shared with Madame Romanski and she, as well as her nurse automaton James, hint that I should go out to the pier. So I do. And there he is. Hans. A homeless looking old man who converses like a child due to a head injury when he was little. And suddenly he signs the sales form without a thought and Mr. Marson calls conveniently and Kate assures him everything is just perfect now. It's back to NY asap. I was literally thinking to myself "No... no.. no" this isn't right. After all the times Kate had said she'd miss Oscar, and after all that trouble to find Hans... only to speak with him for maybe five minutes. But that was it, and Kate headed for the small plane at the end of the pier, Hans heading for Oscar and the train to head on yet even more adventure. The cutscene shows the unsure expression on Kate's face and just when you think you're about to hate the game forever over it's ending, Kate spins around and starts running back along the pier. She runs inside the hotel and nearly slips, knocking over a chair, running as fast as she can. She makes it out the front to the train station and the train is just leaving. She runs along the side and you get Hans' point of view from inside, watching her try to catch it. And she does. And you get a clear sense that she won't be heading home ANY time soon. Nor will Mr. Marson, Mom, Dan, or Olivia be hearing from her for a long, long time. Call me a baby but this cutscene was so beautiful and the notion that Kate would choose Hans, Oscar, the wind up SP train, and more adventure over New York just made me burst into tears.

Loved it. I've played a LOT of games this month and last month... go figure an old point and click from 2002 that hardly anyone has even heard of takes the cake as far as I'm concerned. It's overwhelmingly sad that because of how unpopular this type of adventure game has become, creators can hardly pool the funding to make them. It's a miracle we even got Dreamfall. In a society who is so jaded they won't even read a fucking book anymore, you'd think a game that is pretty much an interactive novel with non-stop pictures and chapters you can actually hear would be clamored for. I just don't get it.

Is it too late to say ***spoiler alert*** ? Hehe.

I feel like ranting. Just for my own peace of mind. If I don't write it, it's going to eat at me and Karl is sick of this story now.

"Susan McKunterson" (not as an insult or well.. maybe, but also because he last name is stupid as fuck, confusing, and difficult to remember how to spell). The self proclaimed Geek Princess trapped in the body of a drooping 34 year old hag with a husband and two kids she tries to pretend she doesn't have because they make her look yet even more old. And she certainly doesn't want that. My drama with this bitch is old news really but I get little reminders of her existence every time I think I've forgotten her.

I first met Susan on WoW. What a fucking surprise huh? The breeding ground of the most childish and obnoxious people you may ever meet over the interwebs. So I needed a raiding guild because the one I had been in was losing it's founding leaders. They had decided to quit WoW for a while as any self respecting player will do from time to time to keep their sanity. When they left, no one really wanted to take the reigns and I was alone. Karl played WoW as well but was not into raiding, so he was usually in shitty guilds that weren't even capable. I came across Mostly Harmless and I was pleased with their progress of game content, their member count and rations of classes (never join a guild with one warrior and fifty hunters). I had grouped with some members and thought they were nice enough, if a bit arrogant, but it seemed like a good guild so I applied. I got in no problem and things started out well.

I should take a pause here to explain the female player vs. female player war that occupies nearly every WoW server I've ever had the displeasure to play on. Evidently, there is some unwritten yet widely known golden rule that states all females must treat each other like complete and utter shit in WoW. In the sausage fest that this game is you would think the best thing to do would be for the girls to band together to create the greatest Raiding/PvP guild Azeroth has ever seen. But no. It's cloak and dagger all the way. I tried to steer clear of this crap the best I could. I made it a point to be quiet, never giggly and annoying or disruptive over vent or in guild chat. I kept to myself when in the presence of other females because of what happens when one becomes threatened by you in the game. I could tell you a million horror stories but I'd be trailing off. It's girls against girls in WoW because we are a rare breed. Once a girl has her following of drooling virgin pimple faced nerdy boys who take them to get all the "epix" you had better not cross her.

When I joined Mostly Harmless I spoke at length with the guild leader. "Sydnie" the rogue was quite charismatic and I prepared for my first guild run, which was to be just a good long instance run. Just to see if I played well with the members. We hopped in vent, I said "Hello, can everyone hear me alright?" and that's when the shit hit the fan. Immediately the guys started in with "Ohhhhhh! Syd, it's another girl! What do you think about that?" Apparently there were no other females beside herself in the guild at this time. And I would soon find out why. So her entire attitude toward me changed dramatically after that instance. A normally talkative Susan (her real name of course) got very quiet. Speaking only when she needed to. I knew what was going on, I could feel the negative vibes permeating. Still, I just remained nice and pulled together. The series of snappings began shortly after this night. Sydnie would find any and all reasons to hurl insults and subtle "fuck yous" at me during raids. I would be the only one called out for a wipe, or a mistake, even while other people were saying "No, it was my fault. I pulled accidentally." I was approached by guys asking in tells "What did you do?! Omg, she's pissed at you! lolz" I really didn't find it funny. It's not funny when someone is truly being hateful to you for NO reason other than the fact you share a similar physical feature, like sweat bags with nipples on your chest. God forbid. I stuck it out. I figured the best way to show her I wasn't like all those girls she obviously hated was to hang in there and just kill her with kindness. I was nothing but nice to her. I found out she was an artist.. so we had something outside WoW in common. I praised her art, complimented her, and just shmoozed away any chance I got. Well, one day I needed help killing an elite so I asked if any guildees were nearby. None were but Syd aka Sue or Susan piped up and said "If you can wait until this battleground is over, we'll come help you. That is, she and her weird WoW best boy-friend Andromeda or "Andro", even though she's married. I'll get to more of that later. So I waited a while, and then along came a guy needing to kill the same elite. So we grouped up and readied for the fight. I wrote quickly in guild chat "Nevermind, this (insert class here, I can't remember what he was) who needs the guy too. He's gonna help me." And I turned to the battle and did my thing. After the fight I mounted up and glanced back down to G-chat to see Sydnie had just blown a bit of a gasket. "I SAID if you would wait until this BG was over we would help you! But since SOMEONE can't wait five fucking minutes...." This made me blink a bit and really caught me off guard. So I thought. My first instinct was to bite her fucking head off of course. Second was to apologize. Honestly, at that moment the straw just broke the camel's back and I said to hell with it and quit the guild. I'd had just enough of the Theater that Mostly Harmless was for that woman, her being the star Drama Queen in the show. I was immediately bombarded with tells calling me a whore and something about how she'd been so nice to me but was glad I left because I needed to grow up. I took screen shots of everything she said and thank god I did because a lot of people had to be shown these screen shots before they even believed me. I ignored her tells. I put her on ignore and said nothing. I thought it was over but a few minutes later got another tell from one of her alts saying pretty much the same shit. I ignored again and didn't say a word.

This is getting long now, so I need a way to sum it up. Basically, Sydnie or Susan or Sue had this following of drooling guys on WoW in her guild. This is weird to me because she's married. She is also a great artist and has actually been in magazines and this is probably another reason I hate her. Shame on me for being jealous (I'm actually not anymore but I'll explain that too in a second). I come across her artwork on dA a lot while searching for stuff and I end up finding out more weird shit about her. She apparently met a guy on WoW (the aforementioned Andromeda) who became her "best friend". She then displays pictures of her on dA with said friend meeting him in person for the first time. She dedicates two thirds of her art to this friend as well. And judging by the pictures (her next to Andro while her husband scowls in the background) there is some fishy weird shit going on. She's got kids that she admits to having in conversation but doesn't boast about on dA like a loving mother should. Upon closer inspection of her artwork you can see that she is clearly being praised for the same shit that many other deviant-tarts are: Taking a bunch of stock images from other people, layering them in a cute set up and drawing some swirlies with a glow brush. It chaps my ass when I see people getting praised for art like this. It's fake. And somehow she banks more than a full time job off of this crap. Getting digital-artist of the year awards on dA and shit. Plagarism at it's best. Steal art, be 33 and married with kids, as childish as your 12 year old, meet creepy guys in person you've met on World of Warcraft (no offense Julien! lolz) and lavish in all your praise. All hail the princess geek hag Susan McKunterson. (Oh.. and she's fat.)

I'm going to hell.